Things you shouldn’t send in the mail

1. Processed cheese slices ( they don’t fit in the envelope well and arrive all broken and moldy)
2. Poutine (even in bubble wrap it just doesn’t taste the same)
3. Marshmallows ( going through the sorter just seems to squish them all into mush)
4. Liquor – (the small hotel room bottles are acceptable but the big ones seem to get swiped by the postmen)
5. Business Cards ( you are risking identity theft- you can’t be too careful even if they were from Staples and only cost 25 cents )
6. Self-published books ( why add one more thing to put you into debt by mailing them out to people?)
7. Oxygen bottle refills ( don’t ask- you wouldn’t understand)
8. Cheques ( they say they are in the mail- but we all know differently don’t we)
9. St. Patricks Day book ( I don’t know why but a friend told me that hers was stolen out of her mailbox one year and it made her sad)

I was going to round it out with 10 items, but then that would be predictable and we can’t have that can we!!

Tip Number 4: Don’t send your agent requests for you to be on Oprah. We hate that- and in light of recent news events it’s probably not your best interest to be on there in the first place, especially if you write a fake holocaust book.

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